There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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