I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
