how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
