my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
