Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
