so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
