Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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