I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
