And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
