He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
