it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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