Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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