I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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