so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
