I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
