I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Two words: blizzard sex
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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