Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
organizing the empties. That sober.
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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