just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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