...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just pee around me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
