My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
