my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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