dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
