How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
