Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
