I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
