she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dear god my vagina.
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