capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
