Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dignity is for republicans.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
