Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bring me that man meat
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
