The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
