Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
