So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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