Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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