You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I died a long time ago.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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