Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
