I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
