so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
