Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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