I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
