I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
