Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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