You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it