So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.