worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home