I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...