I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
