ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When are your genitals available?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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