Nicole vs. Life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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