I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
