I think I died a long time ago.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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