i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
