Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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