please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
