saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
