haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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