i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
