birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
