You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
