Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
