one might say we're banned from that church
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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And then my night got REAL pukey
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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