If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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