The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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