Its about making memories worth repressing
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
