So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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