I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
