What did we do last night that was yellow?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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