We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
