please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
