Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
