those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you mean i was at the winter classic?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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