The maid of honor just puked.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
